Brag on them

This weekend my son Riley had the privilege of singing in the regional honor choir for the American Choral Directors Association. As a dad I was so proud of the hard work and pursuit of excellence that I saw in my son. Out of the thousands of kids that auditioned in six states, he was one of the 85 that were chosen for this honor.  Now it is expected that I would be a proud dad, but I wanted to make sure that he new this was a deep feeling, so I let him catch me bragging on him. After church I was talking to other members of the worship team about Riley's honor as he was close by waiting for me to leave.

This principle is something that youth workers need to become experts on. Teens are going through a developmental process in which they go from a family identity to an interdependent/autonomous identity. During this time they are amazingly vulnerable to self esteem issues that can lead to destructive behaviors. One of the best ways to help teens during this time is to highlight what looks good on them when it comes to their attitudes, their relationships and their decisions. In other words, they need to catch us bragging on them. Youth workers need to become experts on talking about the great characteristics of the students they serve.

My favorite way of doing this has always been to brag on teens to their parents. I especially make an effort to do this with parents who seem to be a bit disengaged from their kids spiritual development. This can be socially awkward for some to do, but it is very easy. When you see a parent coming to pick up their student make an effort to go meet them and let them know how much you appreciate their son or daughter. When you do that make at least one concrete statement about the teens progress. This could be something like their ability to connect with other students, their passion for standing up for others, or their deep insight into life. Follow this up with a commendation for the parents on the good job they are doing in fostering this type of growth. When you do this two things will happen. First, the parents will respond, "Whose kid are you talking about?" This is a good response, because we want the parents to know that there is a reason for them to continue to be engaged in their kids life and that there is hope for their home relationships. The second thing that happens is that the teen will realize that they are important to the community you represent. This feeds the three biggest needs of students, acceptance, security and significance. By letting them hear you brag on them you breath life deep into their beings.

This next week, think about the students you serve and work with you team of adults to come up with ways you all can find a way to brag on each kid in your ministry. Once you make this a part of your culture, you will be amazed at the impact it will have on the students.