Masturbation

Masturbation is commonly reported by teens, though more by males than by females. It is defined by any type of self-stimulation of one’s genitals that produces erotic arousal. It is a sexual behavior that is clouded by controversy and much emotional concern for an adolescent. (Baker Encyclopedia of Psychology, 1985) It is joked about, whispered about, and worried about by most teenagers. It is also practiced to a surprising degree.

Studies reveal that most adolescents have masturbated at least some time during their teenage years. Dr. G. Keith Olson (Counseling Teenagers, 1984) identifies masturbation as “a very normal part of human sexual function.” (402) He identifies it as normal from several different perspectives:

• Statistically. As stated previously, studies from Alfred Kinsey to the New York Times indicate that most teenagers have practiced self-stimulation and exploration. Just because an act is common, however, does not mean that it is appropriate. But if a behavior is common to the vast majority of people, then we can be assured that it is not abnormal behavior.
• Physiologically. From early childhood, both boys and girls experience pleasure from fondling their genitals. With the onset of puberty the pleasure intensifies. The medical community has found no evidence that masturbation has any adverse physical affects on the individual.
• Psychologically. Similarly, psychologists have not discovered any psychological damage caused by masturbation. In fact, nocturnal emissions and masturbation are the two most common ways that adolescent boys release their rapidly building sexual tensions since sexual activity is not a parentally sanctioned alternative. A teenage boy has more control and less degradation through masturbation than through “wet dreams.” It also provides young people opportunity to learn more about their own sexual arousal. It helps them to feel reassured that they function normally.

Regardless of an adolescent’s religious faith or family values, they must confront increasing feelings of sexual arousal. One way in which many youth consciously choose not to engage in sexual intercourse or sexual explorations with another person is through self-stimulation. Masturbation is the most frequent sexual outlet for many adolescents and they do not feel as guilty about it as young people once did, although feelings of embarrassment and defensiveness still persist.

The topic of masturbation is controversial and inconclusive. It is the subject of confusion and conflict during adolescence, however, most parents spend very little time talking to their teenager concerning self-stimulation. There is debate and disagreement among Christians. Some condemn it, unequivocally as sin; others say that because it is not specifically addressed in scripture, it must not be much of an issue in God’s eyes. It is wise to approach the topic carefully, seeking to find mutual understanding and direction between parent and teenager.

The most frequently cited arguments against masturbation, according to Baker Encyclopedia of Psychology, are these; (687-688)

• Only the immature person masturbates.
• It is condemned in Scripture.
• Masturbation is unsocial or antisocial.
• It violates the divinely intended purpose of sex.
• It causes fatigue and physical debilitation.
• It is a manifestation of low self-control.
• The fantasies associated with masturbation are emotionally, relationally, and spiritually unhealthy.
• It is sexually frustrating and not as satisfying as sex relations with a marital partner.
• It is an indication of selfishness. It leads to undesirable feelings like guilt and anxiety.

Most experts see these arguments as being oversimplified or completely false. (Benner, 688) The two scriptural passage that are most often used to condemn masturbation are Genesis 38:8-10 (The story of Onan who “spilled his seed on the ground to keep from producing offspring for his brother.”) and 1 Corinthians 6:9 (“the sexually immoral. . . will not inherit the kingdom of God.”) Biblical scholars examining these passages do not view them as addressing the issue of masturbation.

Some view masturbation as a completely normal and useful step in the consolidation of healthy sexuality for both boys and girls. (Siegler, 26) It is said to be helpful for the adolescent to get used to the new surges of sexual feelings and responses that characterize this phase. By mid- to late adolescence, in our society, most adolescents will begin some form of sexual experimentation. Many experts claim that masturbation in adolescence is essential for the promotion of growth in the area of self-discovery, sexual awakening, sexual performance, and relational attachments. (Ponton, 62)

It is difficult to learn about something that is never discussed. Unfortunately, the topic of masturbation is considered taboo by the majority of people, especially the religious. With such a wide variety and dissenting opinions on the subject, teenagers need to have someone they trust with whom they can ask questions, share their feelings, and get wise advice. Many of the problems associated with masturbation relate to the shame and guilt that have come to be associated with the activity, rather than the activity itself. Because masturbation is largely a secret topic, children and adolescents are not exposed to much information about it. Teenagers are left to make their own decisions based on the naturally erratic feelings and perspectives of puberty. Misinformation abounds, because it is not a “safe topic.” Parents and youth leaders need to be secure and confident enough, together with sensitivity and understanding, to speak about masturbation with their teenagers.

Dr. Les Parrott III lists several ways that parents can help their teenager in this area: (Parrot, 221-224)

• Listen with sensitivity. Avoid condemnation, shock, excessive curiosity, or expressing your own embarrassment. Monitor your discomfort with the topic and display a calm love, concern and acceptance of your child. Do not give “pat answers.” Let them express feelings and emotions in their own words and you help them when their own vocabulary or expressions fall short.
• Alleviate fears and anxiety. Teenagers have the common assumption that masturbation is an abnormal behavior. They may be unaware that the practice is so prevalent. Masturbation is normal, and there is no medical or psychological evidence to indicate that the practice is harmful to the body or that it interferes physically with subsequent sexual intercourse. Parents should alleviate fears surrounding myths and misconceptions. Research indicates that masturbation decreases when any anxiety connected with it is alleviated.
• Work through guilt. Guilt over sexual activity and sexuality is enormous during adolescence and beyond. Many Christian teenagers agonize over “empty promises to God” that they will never masturbate or fantasize again! Guilt over masturbation can lead to depression and discouragement. Self-condemnation is one of the ways a sincere Christian adolescent can be distracted and defeated. On the other hand, a young person’s guild may be genuine. (See Romans 14:14) Parents should allow their children to investigate the source of their shame and offer hope and healing through nurturing grace.
• Understand the developmental context. For wholesome growth it is important for young people to learn to understand their own bodies and accept the ways in which they respond to stimulation. Teenagers are curious about sex! Masturbation is a natural way in which they can explore the mysteries of their bodies and their psychosexual identity.
• Think through your own personal theology of sex. As stated previously, there are many arguments against masturbation. As adults, parents must know where they stand on the issue. Scripture does not directly address the issue. Therefore, Christians have come to different conclusions when it comes to masturbation. What is your position? Do you view it as a sin or nor very serious? Masturbation is one of those areas where we must be careful not to judge others too harshly, but to remain faithful to our own understanding of biblical principles.
• Facilitate personal exploration. Help your teenager understand masturbation in more neutral terms. Advice or ideas that suggest the practice should be resisted at all costs will likely promote the cycle of shame and defeat. However, suggesting that masturbation is a way to relieve sexual tension may also add to compulsive and addictive behavior. Do a study of scripture together and discuss your findings. Talk about the areas of fantasy, desire, and lust. Do not tear down their self-esteem. Help them build confidence in the way they approach sex and their own sexuality.
• Explore the use of pornography. Pornographic material is easily accessible to today’s teenagers. Especially with males, the majority of those who masturbate do so in conjunction with viewing pornography. Parents should ask questions concerning pornography and their teen. The use of pornography is addictive, degrading, and exists in the context of lust, which Scripture clearly condemns. (See Matthew 5:27-30). This problem needs to be addressed or your teenager could face a lifetime of frustration and degradation.
• Do not neglect potential danger. Although there are those experts who believe that self-stimulation is normal and encourage young people to masturbate, there are potential dangers. I have mentioned Scripture’s warning against lust. There are some individuals who become obsessed with fantasy and sexual release. If your teenager is using masturbation as a form of escapism or stress relief, then there is potential danger ahead. As a parent, you have the opportunity to teach your child how to appropriately respond to stressful circumstances. Also there are some rare cases where sexual experimentation leads to tragic consequences. This is the case with autoerotic asphyxia, this happens when an individual (almost always a male) masturbates while constricting the throat or chest to create an altered state of consciousness by reducing the brain’s oxygen supply. The warning signs are bloodshot eyes; a fascination with ropes, chains, or leather belts, neck abrasions and bruises. If you suspect this activity, do not hesitate to ask directly.
• Know when to get help. If you are embarrassed, ill-at-ease, overly curious, or uncertain how to proceed with talking to your adolescent about masturbation, talk to an expert. Go to a counselor yourself, get advise, and explore your own feelings on the subject. Also, it may be important to refer your teenager to someone they can confidently talk to. Let them know that the referral is not a rejection of them, but a way of getting the best advice and direction on the subject. If you suspect obsessive or dangerous behavior, contact a professional counselor immediately.

Sensitivity and understanding are essential when parents talk to their teenager about their sexuality and sexual behavior. Condemnation is not necessary. Loving guidance and an honest openness to talk is the best resource a parent can give their adolescent.